My 2nd photoshoot. :)

sigh....I think I didn't get through the Citibank MA interview. I actually think I did quite well, given the role I was assigned to. Oh well if there's a reason I think I push my case a little to hard.

Anyway, kinda disappointed. I know maybe they'll still called. But to have worked there for internship and not getting the job in the end is kinda embarrassing. :P

I prayed that God will choose the best job for me. So maybe this is not the best job. I'm sure God has something better for me. :)

And I hate it when Kenny regards lowly of me. I know what I am capable of. I'm sure I'll do very well wherever I go. He never think that I'm smart or anything good. sigh....that really irritates me. Feel like boxing him up.

Anyway we celebrated our 5th year anniversary yesterday. Nothing much special. That's kinda sad...its supposd to be something really important, a milstone. But I still enjoy our little dinner at Marche or watever it is called now.

All I can say is, God gave him to me. :) Happy anniversary.

Romans 3:19-20

Romans 3:19-20

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God.

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

(Isn't it crystal clear to you?)

Thanks. That's all I need. Whatever that you've done/not done in this week.

I just realise, it's really not easy for two people to love each other. To put it in economic terms, it's not easy to satisfy the double coincidence of wants. That's where the power struggle come about. How do you know how many sheep to give in exchange for a cow? So you negotiate. And there's always a winning end and a losing end, somehow. Yes it's still a middle ground, but it'll never be the ideal that you have in mind before the negotiation.

But you've already incurred some costs during the course of negotiation, be it opportunity costs or other miscellaneous costs. And the longer the negotiation time, the more costs you incurred. Yes those are sunk costs, but human nature does not allow you to totally neglect them. The longer you negotiate, the harder it is to pull out. And you'll be more willing to compromise on a middle ground, on which its distance from the start point is directly proportional to the duration of negotiation.

So when does the negotiation end? Well I dunno, I'm still negotiating. Maybe that's the whole point. I do find joy in it sometimes. And I'm glad there's somebody there willing to negotiate with me in the 1st place. It shows two things (1) there something in/from me that he wants (2) he's willing to compromise through the act of negotiation and come to a middle ground.

I guess a miracle just happens, we did manage to satisfy the double coincidence of wants.

When's the last time I'm really really happy? I think was the time when Kenny went back Hong Kong with me. That was really really happy.

Have you realised we were happier when we don't have so much? Like when we just started we didn't have much yet we were so happy? I know it's been five years and you'll probably say cos its been so long so you can't expect us to be as happy as we used to be. But you're not happy with me. I know. I must be a lousy gf. I'm not happy either. Cos you're not happy. Like I'm becoming your obligation.

I just wanna be your loving, supportive gf. I know I suck at it. And I know that's not what you want for a gf. I'm the least that you want. I was never even what you wanted. Pearlene and Sien Hui was what you wanted. I hate Pearlene. Seriously. She's the one person I hate so much. Cos she broke your heart, she took advantage of you when you were vulnerable, she wanted you back when you were not around anymore. I hate her. Yet you'll still treat her as your good friend. I just hate her to the bone. Not cos I'm jealous, cos she once hurt you so badly.

What about me? Am I as lousy as her? Or lousier? Probaly lousier. I just complained and complained and complained. I'm not what you want. Joy is what you want. I'm always the least you want.

I always wonder why am I holding on so tightly, when I seem to be the only one holding on to it? Cos I know God was the one that put us together. What were the chances of me meeting you at that bench at that night, talking to you and you telling me your problems, when we didn't even talk to each other for the past two years? What were the chances of me trying to help an almost stranger when I was having my exam as well? What were the chances of us meeting in Singpore in the 1st place? Jesus's love for us put us together. I was so overwhelmed by his grace that I felt that I had to pass it on to you. That's why I knew God put us together. If this love started from Him, He'll see us through.

And you once loved me so intensely that I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. But somwhere along the way, things start to fall apart. Probably my complaints, your short-tempered, our differences seeing things, or our priorities that are setting us further apart.

But 5 years, every single moment spent left a common memory bewteen us. It'll never leave us, at least it'll never leave me. Even if we broke up in the end, I'll still treasure those moments with you, those morning walks, late night walks to have supper, those squash games, endless movies, silly fights, those tears, those moments when we just want each other to be there, those kittens, those slamming of doors with tears and walking back to your room again.....and the list goes on.

Why am I writing as if I'm dying tomorrow? Cos I'm not happy. Cos you dun need me anymore. Ya I finally figure it out that you don't need me anymore. You won't feel lonely without me, you don't need my support when you're doing your experiments, you don't need me to the there to listen to your worries and complaints. I'm not part of your plan. I don't know what you're worried about, I don't know what is going through in your life, I don't know what you're planning to do, I don't know much about your life anymore.

It's really not about spending time together or not. We spent time today, we ended up fighting again. I dunno. We are less tolerant of each other. I just wish that we'll spend a day really happy and carefree. The hug and little kiss you gave me in HMV? I almost melted. Thanks.

I commit our relationship under God's grace. I am really losing grip....

God, please take this cup away from me. :(
I really don't wanna say "but it is Your will, not mine, that I'll follow"

:(

I reallly didn't know I love Kenny so much. I just wish that the feeling is mutual. The least I want is him treating me as an obligation. I worth much more than that and I don't need anyone's sympathy.

I'm damn messed up....:(

I tried my best. I held on to it even though it was so tough. I accomodated. I accepted you for who you are. I gave in whenever I could. I said sorry even when I didn't think it was my fault. I stayed. I came back. I put my heart and soul in it...Just because I love you. :(

Dinner with Kenny

Dinner with Khengz tonight. He's been so busy these days that I rarely get to eat with him. That's when I start to treasure the little time I have with him. Yes, most of the time I end up complaining, but tonight was rather enjoyable.

I'd like to think that he's looking at me lovingly....

But he definitely was not....haha....

I'd still like to think that he's enjoying himself like I was too....

Went to Manhattan Fish Market. My treat. haha....he bought me a done good earphone tho. Thx. Food was not very nice. But I did enjoy eating with him.

I was wearing my cap cos it costed me 300HKD so I have to wear it more often, and I am having a really bad pimple outbreak. yucks!

And yes he's always reading when we're eating. Like....no respect.....

And this picture pretty sums up why I like him. (Hints: Who will do this in the MRT and still let his gf take a pic and put in her blog?)

Anyway, the song also pretty sums up what I'm feeling now. Like, I just can't imagine myself with someone else. Is really kinda like the enzyme-substrate relationship. I just wish that I can be very very sure that he loves me. But I can never be sure right? I can just be sure that I still love him like....a lot a lot a lot a lot.......

相依為命 - 陳小春

旁人在 淡出終於只有你共我一起

仍然自問幸福雖說有陣時為你生氣

其實以前和你互相不等得死心塌地

直到共你渡過多災世紀

* 即使身邊世事再毫無道理

與你永遠亦連在一起

你不放下我 我不放下你

我想確定每日挽住同樣的手臂

不敢早死要來陪住你 我已試夠(過)

別離並不很淒美 我還如何撇下你

獻盡了 雲湧風起 還怎麼捨得放下你

年華像細水沖走幾個愛人與知己

抬頭命運射燈光柱罩下來是我跟你

難道有人離去是想顯出好光陰 有限

讓我學會為你 貪生怕死

Repeat *

證明愛人又愛己 何以要那麼悲壯才合理

They keep saying that we're together for so long that everything become habitual, even my feelings for you. That's why I complain all the time.

But I know firmly how I feel towards this relationship. My love for you is so intense that it is almost tangible. I complain so much cos...I'm selfish...I guess somehow, deep inside, I want something in return. I'm not God.

But seeing you work so hard, I really can't complain anymore. My heart ached when I saw you alighting at the SBS bus stop after tuition, when I was going out for supper. Only then did I realise how selfish I was, to even take away the time you have for yourself.

I guess the fear of losing you is always there. I can almost feel it all over again, just like the previus time. That's another reason why I need to see you, to get some reassurance, to know that you're working so hard for not only you, but us.

I'm not perfect, far from it in fact. But God will see us through.

Do you know, life is so much better with you around.
Worshipping with you is the best thing to do on Sunday. :) I always want to hold your hand and worship together, but I know that you'll definitely resist. Anyway, I really believe that no matter what happens to us, God will see us through. :)

Went out today.

Grateful, that Kenny, being so tired still took time to go out with me.

Contented, ate nice food without having to pay a cent :p.

Shameful, for complaining when Kenny is trying hard to spend time with me.

Xin fu, after five years, we still love each other. :)

原來﹐我付出的﹐比我想像的來得多很多。一直都是以你為我的生活的中心。現在﹐我就好像一顆脫離軌道的行星﹐慢無目的的在虛無的宇宙孤獨漂浮. 而你﹐就繼續在銀河的中心﹐安然的被千顆萬顆行星圍繞著。那顆遙遠的,不起眼的小行星﹐已一點一滴的在你生活中消失。
這顆小行星﹐努力過﹐掙扎過﹐然而﹐到這一刻, 有點累了。就連放棄的力量﹐都使不出來。怕﹐怕放棄之後﹐會失去得更多。喜怒哀樂﹐都不由自主。眼前望的﹐漆黑一片.一切的希望﹐都離得很遠﹐很遠。

擁抱

I'm a person that needs physical contact. When all the words fail you, when nothing seems to be going right, somehow, a simple hug seems to melt down all those inexplanable emotions and soften any tense situations. It's almost like an injection straight into your vein, an instant cure.

When the world is getting colder and colder, when people are isolating themselves and wearing a mask everywhere, hugging is the most intimate action that expose your inner most emotions. Feelings flow between the two individuals, in the most intriguing way.

An old friend wrote:
但擁抱真係一樣好powerful的Body language，三個擁抱在o個一刻都無言語，但卻令人好感動的。擁抱好像將一個言語表達不到的愛傳到對方身上一樣，其實三套戲的擁抱都沒有言語去表達他們的愛，但觀眾一定感受到的！！！

I need some hug.

I really don't wanna get emotional all the time. Actually I was really ok with you going out with your friends and all. I was just telling KaWai that I was ok with you going out and seeing me when you're free. sigh....

I just hope that you can make more effort to see me. A lunch once in a while in school. Or come visit me when you finish your work for a while. :(

Let's calculate:
Once a week
= 4 times a month
= 4*12 = 48 times a year

How pathetic is that. :(

兩個人在一起﹐不是一件容易的事。我會好好珍惜神比我的一切。

Thanks. For yesterday and today. It was reassuring.

Dinner and Dance 2007

Photobucket Album

劉家玲話﹐對待男人﹐要好似放紙鳶咁﹐平時就放得佢遠一遠﹐得閒先收一收佢番o黎。收o下放o下, 放o下又收o下咁o咼.

信心﹐係咪應該係你比我o既呢﹖

You're always there

I can't be more sure than I am now. You're always there. Always. Every minute of everyday. You lifted me up when I fell. You love me when no one does. You're always there for me. Always loving me.

And You gave me the best I can ever get. The one I prayed for.

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned Struck down but not destroyed I'm blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure And His joy's gonna be my strength Though the sorrow may last for the night His joy comes with the morning...

So,

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as You will
I surrender
Take my fears, my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it allI hope it's not too small

Never have I felt so right before. Love you.

The Divine Answer

When I look into Your holiness
When I gaze into Your loveliness
When all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

When I've found the joy of reaching Your heart
When my will becomes enthralled in Your love
When all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

I worship You, I worship You
The reason I live is to worship You
I worship You, I worship You
The reason I live, is to worship You

Nice Song

當生活變成一種習慣﹐當生活失去意義。You may say I'm dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Life is fucking miserable. I wanna kill myself but I just can't. I just wanna slash my wrist and end all these misery. I bet no one would even notice. Or maybe they will when I corpse starts to stink. I hate this fucking place. I hate myself. There's no friends and no family. You eat alone, sleep alone, wake up alone, go to school alone, spend your bday alone, spend new year alone. I'll just kill myself and die alone also. I should just jump down the building and no one would even care. Fuck it.

I wanna be the one who makes you smile, like the way I do when I think of all the silly things that we've done together. I wanna be the one you'll miss when you're lonely. I wanna be the one you'd dream of at night. I wanna be the one who'll kiss you good night every night. I wanna be the one you'll turn to when you have trouble. I wanna be the one who'll always be there to support you. I wanna be the one that you'll be waiting for at the end of the aisle. I wanna be the one that bears your children who'll call Shaun and Chidy. I wanna be the one that'll celebrate your 60th anniversary with you. I wanna be the one that'll hold your hand and walk with you till the end when we meet Jesus.

I'm sorry for all the fights, sweats and tears. I'm sorry that I'll never be your ideal gf. I'm sorry that I'm always forgetful. I'm sorry for calling you whenever I am lonely. I'm sorry for giving you too much pressure. I'm sorry for being so dependent. I'm sorry for raising my voice when I'm angry. I'm sorry for not letting you spend time with your friends. I'm sorry for not being understanding. I'm sorry for not losing weights. I'm sorry for being so lazy. I'm sorry for being jealous all the time....

But I'll never be sorry for knowing you and being in love with you. Thank you, for everything.

Smiles :)

好想結婚...

There was this ang moh volunteering to take picture for us. So here goes....

Ordered Sirloin and ribeye, umm the steak would be better...

Me!

A nice weekend with Kenny

After Kenny moved out of NTU I have been feeling really sad and lonely. Been seeing him everyday for two years and now it's really hard to get used to not having anyone with me. :(

Anyway there's nothing much I can do except to get used to it.

Have to admit that Kenny is still making efforts to see me whenever he could. More so than I can ask for actually.

Went CHIMES for dinner on Sat. The place was quite nice but the bill came up to 100 bucks. Gosh feel so bad. But Kenny said something really sweet that day. :)

Said "Nevermind if your ass is big, I'll still like it" haha. and "I'll bring you to eat nice stuff once a month ok". That's really sweet. I almost melted. hehe.....

I am such a loser. haha....I complain and complain and complain and complian when Kenny is working his ass off and still making some time to see me. :P

And I do have ambition ok. I wanna earn at least 10K in the next 5 to 7 years, so that I can give my family a better living. It is just that it is not something I will feel extremely happy for so I never tell anyone. It is more of a responsibility that I am more than willing to take up.

But if without such responsibility, I really just wanna get married and study medicine all over again. Getting married is something that I've been dreaming since like....17? haha.....every single detail. :P

Will post the photos later.

P.S. Will definitely run more this sem!!!

In the end, there will be nobody.

You will meet people along the way, but you are all alone, walking.

You don't know where will you end up at.

You just have to keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking....

Or you can stop. Somehow...

A little gift from heaven

When you wake up in the morning, and breakfast is served right before you. That's a little gift from heaven. Thank you. :) That was really sweet.

Home sweet home

A nice week back in Hong Kong. It was sooooooooooooooo nice. Kenny went back with me too and everything seems so perfect. :)

The perfect family photo

We look so nice. haha....esp me.

Gosh I can't believe I've swept the "bo hai kai" 3 days in a week. Kenny went mad

The best dessert I have ever tasted!!! In "Xu Liu Shan" (or something like that)

And the portuguese tart at KFC! Superb! :)

Nice view from the peak. Kenny went mad coz there were too many people. haha....

This pork chop bun from Macau is really good. :) esp when you're eating with your family.

It was damn good.

All in all, this trip is like one of the best vacation I've had in years. I realised that you don't really need to go far away places to have a good time, as long as you are with people you love. :)

I'm loving Jesus more and more

Today's sermon was really good. NCC's sermons are really really fantastic. Never did I once fall asleep. haha....Love the worship too. Ever since I went "astray", I really treasure every moment when I can be with other believers and worship God. It never fails to move me when I can lay down all my sorrows and burdens to just worship the Lord. The joy is unexplainable.

Anyway, I really need to blog this in case I forget. Today's sermon Pastor said something really meaningful. I shall just write in bullets 'cos its 1am and I need to sleep ya.
1. Even when Adam and Eve "ordered" sin, God pay the price. What else would He not pay for?
2. Solomon asked for wisdom when God asked. What would I asked for?
I just wanna be God's favourite child. To have all the love and attention from Him. To have Him embrace me and give me all the protection I need. I don't want to have the wants for money or fame. I just wanna have the needs and wants for God.
3. Men by ourselves do not have any value. It is God's love for us that makes us valuable.

改革型（理性正直，力求完美）
您是負責、獨立和以超高標準勤奮工作的人。您嚴肅地面對生命，顯現出急躁、緊張、愛評判、控制、自以為是，以及難以克制地追求完美。您對批評相當敏感，批判自己之嚴厲更勝於別人。而且難以接受稱讚或承認自己的成就。您總是想把事情做好，並讓人喜愛。因些在銳利的外表之下，卻顯現出鬱鬱寡歡。
優點：您不會原地踏步，不斷努力改進事物，那怕是一件永無終止或不被感謝的任務，您都會為此負起責任。
缺點：無論是對行為或環境，您經常顯現出控制的情況，而當事情出錯時，您更可能會怪責別人。
愛情：當開始接觸親密關係之後，您會有退縮的傾向。要看清楚對方是否看重這段感情，以及此人是否值得交往，您才會繼續保持連繫。
您渴望關係，卻難以相住伴侶。害怕對方比自己更具吸引力，更有智慧或更被喜愛。妒忌之火便開始燃燒，而當您被拒絕時，更會產生無法設想的憤怒之火。「在聚會中，如果我的伴侶走過我的面前去找別人，我會對他生氣，憎恨那個和他談話的人。這種憎恨感會堆積起來，我會拿自己和任何跟他講話的異性比較。」
安定方位：活躍型在安定的狀態下您會放開拘謹，允許自己在安定中放鬆，讓自己打破規則、追求知識和想像未來的選擇。
壓力方位：自我型當面對感情的壓力或情緒對抗時，您會把焦點轉向關係或情緒，以及不被愛的感受，因此您會變得沮喪，感覺自己一無是處，甚至相信自己永遠做不好，生命毫無意義等。
建意：注意您使用「對、錯」這類字眼的思想。學習讓自己犯點小錯而不帶責備。允許遊戲和玩樂存在於您的生活之中
最渴望：事事完美，零缺點最恐懼：受良心責備，遭他人譴責最難達到的美德：祥和 (Serenity)最難克服的執念：怨恨 (Resentment)

Falling into Grace again

Faith, is something I've never lost. Something I keep so dearly that even everything is striped away, faith, is the only thing that is left.
The world is fading away, but your love never change. You are that same yesterday, today and forever. You are my alpha and omega. You are the lamp, and I the mere refraction of the light. What more can I ask for?
Seek first your kingdom and your rigtheousness.
What is your kingdom? What is a mustard seed? Or the yeast that is mixed with the dough? I would say it is the smallest thing that is inconspicuous in life, yet so powerful that when the time comes, everyone will see.
What is your righteousness? Jesus. The Son of the living God. Is it not a thing but a person. A powerful existence that gives lives and forgive sins.
Seek first.
Is it not a cause and effect. But a tree and its branches. When the branches are cut off, the tree remains. Which one is more precious? The tree or its branches? How much a branch is worth when is it cut away from its source? So seek first, Your kingdom and Your righteousness, for they are the source of life that bring forth the good fruits. The leaves fall when the time comes, but the tree, having deeply rooted into the ground, is the only thing that is left. When the time comes, it will bear good fruits that attract birds to perch on its new grown branches, with leaves that is greener and flowers that are more fragrance. So seek first, Your kingdom and Your righteousness.
For it is not me that write, but the Holy Spirit that is writing through me.

My have a really special sister

My sister's life is full of joy. I always envy her carefree life and all the friends around her. It is such a joy to read her xanga and know that she's enjoying her life to the fullest. She may not be the smartest person I've seen, but she definitely is the most special person. Her happiness is so influential that even by merely reading her xanga you'll feel happy. Below is one good example, supposedly she's complaining about her boring life, but it is still "happening" to me.

枯燥生活既小小快樂金句

今日..........
lily話佢自己琴日做功課做到3點幾...
係因為佢睇左套"衰鬼老婆"
我同louisa加諗加諗...都諗唔明果個係咩節目...
原來果個係"迎妻接福"...哦!明晒

仲有今日o係lunch玩埋d iq題都真係幾攪笑...
好似話女麻女麻估一個菜名...
ans:椰菜(阿爺條菜)救命-________-"
仲有....有咩野食係...睇落去同食落去係唔同既lei!?
ans:旺仔小曼頭-_____-
因為果個廣告果隻歌係:看起來一樣呀食落就是不一樣!"""
哈哈哈
其實仲有好多-_-但lei 2個我真係笑左好耐好耐...哈哈哈
p.s一睇就知我既生活...errrrrrrr"""真係好好好枯燥=/=救命
同埋好唔開心既就係..我今日補frenda......唔小心...訓左.../oo\"
同埋最唔開心既就係......我今日去左買諗住好好味既零食...
點知原來唔好味......."但我最後食晒._.!"

I really pray that she can keep it that way. That no one can tint her innocence and her carefree life. :)

My life is lovely

I'm always very thankful when Kenny is around. Life's so lovely with him around. Although I always complain but I love sticking with him 24/7, and I'm thankful he never kick me away. :) He let me stick with him for as long as I like. hehe....tt's really sweet. It's not 1 or 2 years, but 4 years. I think he's really patient with me. Or maybe he loves me a lot. haha....maybe he wants to stick 24/7 with me too. Oh well, who doesn't. wahahaha......

If I die today.....

I'm alone is this miserable room for chinese new year. I hate CYN. Gosh should have just gone back.
I spend my 22nd bday alone. Eating Mac and blowing my own candle. That's really pathetic. I have so little friends. Sometimes I wonder whether it is my choice to be in this way. I guess it goes back all the way to when I was still in St. Rose. No one likes me. Back then, I was REALLY a loner. That's why it's really hard to let many ppl to be in my life now. I can only handle I few.
I'm so glad to have wilkson around. My whole life depends on my best friends. It's like I'm clinging onto them to prevent myself from drowning. Oh yes I'm drowning. So pathetic that I have to go Toni n Guy to cut my hair and meet this Swedish hair stylist and actually regret not to ask him to have dinner with me. That IS pathetic. Well it is still better than spending ur bday eating mac and blowing candle alone on the cake that you buy for urself.
I always wonder if I die right here right now. Who would notice? No one. Maybe they'll know when my corpse rot and maggots starts eating my eyeballs. Will anyone shed I tear? Some might, but it'll be over soon. I'll be forgotten. And life goes on.
That's me. Stella. I spend my whole life doing things that are meaningless. I work hard on things that does not yield. I don't know what my future lies. Really. I'm pathetic.
If I die today, life goes on. I'm not anyone's best friend. I'm just a girl who ate mac and blew candle alone on her 22nd bday.

Happy Valentine's Day

Though you're not around. I still am thankful that you're with me. Am thankful for the 4 good years you've given me. Maybe this 4 good years are all we have, I'm still thankful. I want you to pursue your dreams. To be whoever you wanna be. I'm so glad to see you achieving so much now. I'm so glad I've been helpful for these 4 good years. Sometimes I see myself as your guardian angel who is just meant to be there when you needed me the most. And now, you've spread your wings, you can be someone else's guardian angel. I'm still thankful. Thankful that you're at God's embrace now, thankful for everything that happened to us in theses 4 good years, even though 4 good years are all we have.

I love you Kenny.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Ill be forever thankful baby
Youre the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Youre the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
Im grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I dont know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for meT
he tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
Youve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

Im everything I am
Because you loved me

Random thoughts

New year doesn't seem new anymore.
I always wanna write more entries but my thoughts always jump around. I just can't write something meaningful.
Life's......................I dunno how to explain.
I hate Singapore. Is it? I dunno.
I love Kenny. That I'm sure.
I wanna bring happiness to everyone. I dun wanna be sad all the time.
I feel like.........there's so many things I feel like. Dunno how to starts.
I actually hide so many things within me. Is driving me crazy.
Do I wanna write it out and let everyone know?
I'm so freaking......I dunno.
I wish I'm prettier.
I cherish my time with Kenny. I feel that life's so uncertain for me to hope for anything.
My results suck.
I'm complaining again. Oh please I wish no one reads this. I dun wanna let people know how I feel, I jus discovered that.
Then what am I doing?
My life's so.........burdening. I can't really choose things that I like. Or I dun even dare to like what I like. I dunno. There's nothing I love immensely. Of cos except Kenny. But what good does it make? I dunno. It's never a life long plan in the 1st place when I sent that SMS. I never expect anything in return. Really. It was not for me to control.
Then what can I do now? I just wish I have the same passion for other things in life too.
I'm a lucky girl. I thank God for that. It's better than striking a lottery. I thank God for that.
There's nothing I wanna buy. Actually I wanna get some eye gel for my dark circle.
This is how I think. How am I going to write something constructive at all? My thoughts are like....popcorns.
I am fat. I need to lose weights.
:) and :(