If I die today.....

I'm alone is this miserable room for chinese new year. I hate CYN. Gosh should have just gone back.
I spend my 22nd bday alone. Eating Mac and blowing my own candle. That's really pathetic. I have so little friends. Sometimes I wonder whether it is my choice to be in this way. I guess it goes back all the way to when I was still in St. Rose. No one likes me. Back then, I was REALLY a loner. That's why it's really hard to let many ppl to be in my life now. I can only handle I few.
I'm so glad to have wilkson around. My whole life depends on my best friends. It's like I'm clinging onto them to prevent myself from drowning. Oh yes I'm drowning. So pathetic that I have to go Toni n Guy to cut my hair and meet this Swedish hair stylist and actually regret not to ask him to have dinner with me. That IS pathetic. Well it is still better than spending ur bday eating mac and blowing candle alone on the cake that you buy for urself.
I always wonder if I die right here right now. Who would notice? No one. Maybe they'll know when my corpse rot and maggots starts eating my eyeballs. Will anyone shed I tear? Some might, but it'll be over soon. I'll be forgotten. And life goes on.
That's me. Stella. I spend my whole life doing things that are meaningless. I work hard on things that does not yield. I don't know what my future lies. Really. I'm pathetic.
If I die today, life goes on. I'm not anyone's best friend. I'm just a girl who ate mac and blew candle alone on her 22nd bday.