You live, you work, you die....

Initially I wanted to write a lot of stuff. Lots of things have happened for the past few weeks. Life's not all smooth for me. But well I think since it's all over there're no point talking about it anymore. All I want to say is, thanks for being there. Although I keep whining and whining about my job, my life, my everything, you're there.
Thanks for the take-away dinner, thanks for the reassuring hugs, thanks for letting me stick with you 24/7, thanks for not kicking me away, thanks for just being there when i need you. :)

well....in case anyone is interested (ya right), I still am Com-less. But that's not the pt for blogging today. I've been praying for a miracle to get a computer (well so far nothing happens, yet. I'm sure something will happen very soon. I have faith)

Ok the point is, while I was praying in church this Sunday like this, "God I wan a Mac I wan a Mac I wan a Mac I wan a Mac.....", God replied. Like literally, not through the preaching or anything. He literally told me, "Have you seek 1st my righteousness?"

I got a shock. Really, it's like the wisdom bulb just lit off. It's also like the answer is always there but I just didn't see it. I'm been so overwhelmed by all those materials things in the world I forgot about the one thing and one thing only that I should be doing. And it's not a coincidence that Pastor talked about the very same verse God spoke to me at the very same sermon.

So to anyone who's reading this (which I can count with one hand), "Have you seek 1st God's righteousness?" It's not a law people, it's a formula. If you wanna get all those things that will be added onto you, you just gotta do it God's way. It's not that I'm being materialistic, I'm just saying God knows our needs and wants and He took care of us just that way we need it. We need His righteousness 1st before we need material comforts, for man does not live on bread alone but on every word that God says.

That's the second time God spoke to me like that. The 1st time I was praying for my ear prob to get healed. God spoke to me saying, "What's there to be healed when it's already healed?"

So yes, I'm rich, I'm happy, I'm healed in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour.

It's really disturbing to have no com to use. Really. I think investing in a $2600 Dell computer is probably one of the lousiest decisions I've made. WHY DIDN'T I BUY A MAC???? Not to say that I'm a Mac fan at all. I jus wan a com that can last me longer than 3 lousy years. Damn....

Of cos I wanted to get a high-end MacBook Pro. But I don't shit money k. With 4000K in debt (and counting), I think I should be prepared for a long time without Prison Break, Supernatrual or House....my selfish, stupid and annoying bf jus wouldn't let me BT. argh!!!!! HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!!! I feel like pulling his hair out sometimes.

Well back to the topic. I think I'll jus get a lousy $948 MacMini since that's the only thing I can afford. I really think I should get a Mac. According to my geeky Mac-manic bf, any Mac is better than a PC, and so it shall be.

Working life is not easy.....

Haven't been blogging for A LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TIME. It's not that I don't wanna blog. It's that there's really nothing much to write about. More importantly, I really dun like the possibility of strangers reading my personal thoughts and feelings.

On the other hand, I think it's good to let my closest friend know that I'm still alive and kicking. Have started work for 2 months. Things are actually much better than I expected. Work is not extremely exciting but at least they're not extremely boring either. I feel that I can build a career out of this, and I'm really greatful that God has been leading me all the way.

I'm starting to try to widen my social circle. I really am not a very friendly person. It's really hard to find close friends. Sometimes I'm so lonely that I'll jus cry for hours and no one even notice, that's really pathetic. I wish there're more Honkies around me. But there're none. And people who has LOADS of friends and money and beauty and talent are emo-ing and complaining about anything and everything. That really pissed me off sometimes. In fact all the time. I think I'm jus jealous. I got no one around. Really, no one.

On a lighter note, I'm still greatful that God is always around me. Although I can't hear Him at all. I can feel His presence at least sometimes. That's the only thing that gets me going nowadays. There's no one I can talk to. No one bothers to listen to me. Sigh.....seems like I'm complaining again.

I'm happy. Just that sometimes, something jus can't change.

New House

I'm really grateful that God has given us such a nice place for our new lives. Everything seems much better now. This is a huge leap for us, and I am very sure that God is always here looking after us. Though this is only the second day, I have faith that we're going to live together happily for the next 3 years. I dunno what to say, I'm just very grateful for everything now. I've actually been really sad that I always have to choose between my family and the love of my life. But now, I have faith that God has planned out my whole life, and all I need to do is just to enjoy it.

Sometimes when we touch

I was doing this silly facebook questioneer, and was asked what's my favourite song. Surprisingly, this song just popped up instantly. Honestly I don't really grasp what does the whole song mean, but it just touches me everytime I listen to it.

Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Thank God

常言道：人生像演戲

回看這生精彩，因有著你！

人在世永恆何在？或如流星閃耀掠過

是你令我人生找到靠依！

死蔭幽谷中　你伴我過渡

歡欣裏　風光裏你共我同在

當身處孤單之中來擁我入懷！

你是我神　是我奇妙救恩

全因為你　令我一生都佳美

你令我生命從空虛化做傳奇

無論我壯如紅日

或如黃昏般漸漸老

是你令我如鷹般高飛

全因為你　令我一生都佳美

你令我生命　從空虛化做傳奇

唯獨你是我拯救　我總不至死

直到永遠　從心底讚美

唯獨你是我拯救　我總不至死

直到永遠　從心底讚美

Thanking God for everything

I am so grateful for everything that I have now. :) Even though I haven't finished studying for my test, I still feel very peaceful. I know God will be there for me. :) I know it's a fine line between trusting God for good things and not putting in all my efforts, but I'll trust God that He'll show me the right way.

Jesus loves me this I know
'Coz the Bible tells me so.....:)

Umm....just to think that I'll be having a place of my own makes me happy. My own air-con room (with attached toilet), washing and drying machine that are just steps away, vacuum cleaner, Wii, PS3, flat-screen TV, comfy sofa, and most of all, I place that I can finally called home. :) I'm so glad that my spirit is lifted up with tiny things in life. :)

Although I still ain't sure what am I gonna do with my life, I'm really glad that Kenny is always around to be there for me. I can really see the transformation he's undergoing. He's somehow becoming a nicer person by the day. :) And I thank God for that.

I'm really glad to have Kenny. :)

Losing it

New Year.

I wish I have some kinda new year resolution so that there'll be some meanings in life, some goal to achieve, alas, but I don't, nah, none....

I actually feel utterly useless not being able to get that MA job I was aiming for. It's like, you've been running for 41k and at the last 100M you suddenly don't feel like running anymore, and you actually STOPPED!!! That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Is that trophy important to me? Not really. I just feel like I've lost that passion I used to have in life. I am starting to understand why do some people wanna kill themselves. Quote from 黃子華 "It's like eating a buffet that only serves shit. The waiter keep asking you to eat more, and you just wanna settle the bill. Everyday is like eating shit to you."

And no one understands me. Whenever I tell Kenny, he'd say something like, "then why did you choose Accountancy in the 1st place?" Cos I can make a decent living, I can stay in NTU with Kenny, I can finish the course in 3 years and start earning money for my parents....:(

And I am so antisocial that I really don't have much friends that I can talk to. I dunno, it's just me.

And lately, I am feeling that even God cannot fill that void that I have in my heart. That loneliness, that helplessness, they're sucking my life outta me. Even when I'm at home now, I feel like I'm not part of the family anymore. I'm just a person that has been abandoned on a lonely island.

Can I kill myself and just end all these? I can't. And that's really becoming quite unbearable. I don't just wanna have some kinda false goals or meanings in life to keep me going. I need a passion so strong that it's almost tangible to fill that void.

I hope no one reads this. Really. No one can help. :(