Monday, February 25, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Losing it
New Year.
I wish I have some kinda new year resolution so that there'll be some meanings in life, some goal to achieve, alas, but I don't, nah, none....
I actually feel utterly useless not being able to get that MA job I was aiming for. It's like, you've been running for 41k and at the last 100M you suddenly don't feel like running anymore, and you actually STOPPED!!! That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Is that trophy important to me? Not really. I just feel like I've lost that passion I used to have in life. I am starting to understand why do some people wanna kill themselves. Quote from 黃子華 "It's like eating a buffet that only serves shit. The waiter keep asking you to eat more, and you just wanna settle the bill. Everyday is like eating shit to you."
And no one understands me. Whenever I tell Kenny, he'd say something like, "then why did you choose Accountancy in the 1st place?" Cos I can make a decent living, I can stay in NTU with Kenny, I can finish the course in 3 years and start earning money for my parents....:(
And I am so antisocial that I really don't have much friends that I can talk to. I dunno, it's just me.
And lately, I am feeling that even God cannot fill that void that I have in my heart. That loneliness, that helplessness, they're sucking my life outta me. Even when I'm at home now, I feel like I'm not part of the family anymore. I'm just a person that has been abandoned on a lonely island.
Can I kill myself and just end all these? I can't. And that's really becoming quite unbearable. I don't just wanna have some kinda false goals or meanings in life to keep me going. I need a passion so strong that it's almost tangible to fill that void.
I hope no one reads this. Really. No one can help. :(
I wish I have some kinda new year resolution so that there'll be some meanings in life, some goal to achieve, alas, but I don't, nah, none....
I actually feel utterly useless not being able to get that MA job I was aiming for. It's like, you've been running for 41k and at the last 100M you suddenly don't feel like running anymore, and you actually STOPPED!!! That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Is that trophy important to me? Not really. I just feel like I've lost that passion I used to have in life. I am starting to understand why do some people wanna kill themselves. Quote from 黃子華 "It's like eating a buffet that only serves shit. The waiter keep asking you to eat more, and you just wanna settle the bill. Everyday is like eating shit to you."
And no one understands me. Whenever I tell Kenny, he'd say something like, "then why did you choose Accountancy in the 1st place?" Cos I can make a decent living, I can stay in NTU with Kenny, I can finish the course in 3 years and start earning money for my parents....:(
And I am so antisocial that I really don't have much friends that I can talk to. I dunno, it's just me.
And lately, I am feeling that even God cannot fill that void that I have in my heart. That loneliness, that helplessness, they're sucking my life outta me. Even when I'm at home now, I feel like I'm not part of the family anymore. I'm just a person that has been abandoned on a lonely island.
Can I kill myself and just end all these? I can't. And that's really becoming quite unbearable. I don't just wanna have some kinda false goals or meanings in life to keep me going. I need a passion so strong that it's almost tangible to fill that void.
I hope no one reads this. Really. No one can help. :(
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