Tin Lok Lane

2009

2009-01-04T01:40:00.002+08:00

A NEW YEAR!!!!!!! It's freaking 2009 and all I can think of is the PEAK!!!! argh....for the next 6 months I'll be working my ass off and not getting OT leave. Well I've been complaining soooooo much throughout 2008 and it's really time to stop.

Kenny have been listening to my rant to a pt that he really can't take it. Well I think it has already reached a pt where I myself can't take my rant anymore. haha....so I've made a decision and I'll try my ass off to stick to it. I will not complain and just try my best in whatever I do, to give glory to the Lord.

Yes Kenny is right. My life have been so damn smooth sailing all along. So good that there's really nothing I should complain about. Ya even tho my work's really tiring, it undoubtedly the sure path to a well-paid career. And if I believe that God has shut all the doors and open this one for me, I shall have faith that God will see me through.

Just read Haze blog and I realised there's no end to complaining. In this lost and fallen world, life's inevitably inperfect. Her non-stop ranting suddenly lit a spark and made me realise that you can choose to live your life however you want it.

So I am choosing to live my life positively, putting my faith in Jesus Christ and letting Him lead me to the greenest pastures. It's harder said than done I know. So may God help me.

2009 is going to be a good year.

2008-12-11T22:08:00.001+08:00

You live, you work, you die....

2008-11-30T22:50:00.002+08:00

Initially I wanted to write a lot of stuff. Lots of things have happened for the past few weeks. Life's not all smooth for me. But well I think since it's all over there're no point talking about it anymore. All I want to say is, thanks for being there. Although I keep whining and whining about my job, my life, my everything, you're there.
Thanks for the take-away dinner, thanks for the reassuring hugs, thanks for letting me stick with you 24/7, thanks for not kicking me away, thanks for just being there when i need you. :)

2008-10-27T20:16:00.003+08:00

well....in case anyone is interested (ya right), I still am Com-less. But that's not the pt for blogging today. I've been praying for a miracle to get a computer (well so far nothing happens, yet. I'm sure something will happen very soon. I have faith)

Ok the point is, while I was praying in church this Sunday like this, "God I wan a Mac I wan a Mac I wan a Mac I wan a Mac.....", God replied. Like literally, not through the preaching or anything. He literally told me, "Have you seek 1st my righteousness?"

I got a shock. Really, it's like the wisdom bulb just lit off. It's also like the answer is always there but I just didn't see it. I'm been so overwhelmed by all those materials things in the world I forgot about the one thing and one thing only that I should be doing. And it's not a coincidence that Pastor talked about the very same verse God spoke to me at the very same sermon.

So to anyone who's reading this (which I can count with one hand), "Have you seek 1st God's righteousness?" It's not a law people, it's a formula. If you wanna get all those things that will be added onto you, you just gotta do it God's way. It's not that I'm being materialistic, I'm just saying God knows our needs and wants and He took care of us just that way we need it. We need His righteousness 1st before we need material comforts, for man does not live on bread alone but on every word that God says.

That's the second time God spoke to me like that. The 1st time I was praying for my ear prob to get healed. God spoke to me saying, "What's there to be healed when it's already healed?"

So yes, I'm rich, I'm happy, I'm healed in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour.

2008-10-19T20:37:00.002+08:00

It's really disturbing to have no com to use. Really. I think investing in a $2600 Dell computer is probably one of the lousiest decisions I've made. WHY DIDN'T I BUY A MAC???? Not to say that I'm a Mac fan at all. I jus wan a com that can last me longer than 3 lousy years. Damn....

Of cos I wanted to get a high-end MacBook Pro. But I don't shit money k. With 4000K in debt (and counting), I think I should be prepared for a long time without Prison Break, Supernatrual or House....my selfish, stupid and annoying bf jus wouldn't let me BT. argh!!!!! HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!!! I feel like pulling his hair out sometimes.

Well back to the topic. I think I'll jus get a lousy $948 MacMini since that's the only thing I can afford. I really think I should get a Mac. According to my geeky Mac-manic bf, any Mac is better than a PC, and so it shall be.

Working life is not easy.....

2008-10-12T20:35:00.003+08:00

Haven't been blogging for A LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TIME. It's not that I don't wanna blog. It's that there's really nothing much to write about. More importantly, I really dun like the possibility of strangers reading my personal thoughts and feelings.

On the other hand, I think it's good to let my closest friend know that I'm still alive and kicking. Have started work for 2 months. Things are actually much better than I expected. Work is not extremely exciting but at least they're not extremely boring either. I feel that I can build a career out of this, and I'm really greatful that God has been leading me all the way.

I'm starting to try to widen my social circle. I really am not a very friendly person. It's really hard to find close friends. Sometimes I'm so lonely that I'll jus cry for hours and no one even notice, that's really pathetic. I wish there're more Honkies around me. But there're none. And people who has LOADS of friends and money and beauty and talent are emo-ing and complaining about anything and everything. That really pissed me off sometimes. In fact all the time. I think I'm jus jealous. I got no one around. Really, no one.

On a lighter note, I'm still greatful that God is always around me. Although I can't hear Him at all. I can feel His presence at least sometimes. That's the only thing that gets me going nowadays. There's no one I can talk to. No one bothers to listen to me. Sigh.....seems like I'm complaining again.

I'm happy. Just that sometimes, something jus can't change.

New House

2008-07-14T00:28:00.002+08:00

I'm really grateful that God has given us such a nice place for our new lives. Everything seems much better now. This is a huge leap for us, and I am very sure that God is always here looking after us. Though this is only the second day, I have faith that we're going to live together happily for the next 3 years. I dunno what to say, I'm just very grateful for everything now. I've actually been really sad that I always have to choose between my family and the love of my life. But now, I have faith that God has planned out my whole life, and all I need to do is just to enjoy it.

Sometimes when we touch

2008-05-31T21:20:00.002+08:00

I was doing this silly facebook questioneer, and was asked what's my favourite song. Surprisingly, this song just popped up instantly. Honestly I don't really grasp what does the whole song mean, but it just touches me everytime I listen to it.

Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Thank God

2008-03-18T00:10:00.002+08:00

常言道：人生像演戲

回看這生精彩，因有著你！

人在世永恆何在？或如流星閃耀掠過

是你令我人生找到靠依！

死蔭幽谷中　你伴我過渡

歡欣裏　風光裏你共我同在

當身處孤單之中來擁我入懷！

你是我神　是我奇妙救恩

全因為你　令我一生都佳美

你令我生命從空虛化做傳奇

無論我壯如紅日

或如黃昏般漸漸老

是你令我如鷹般高飛

全因為你　令我一生都佳美

你令我生命　從空虛化做傳奇

唯獨你是我拯救　我總不至死

直到永遠　從心底讚美

唯獨你是我拯救　我總不至死

直到永遠　從心底讚美

Thanking God for everything

2008-03-05T02:19:00.003+08:00

I am so grateful for everything that I have now. :) Even though I haven't finished studying for my test, I still feel very peaceful. I know God will be there for me. :) I know it's a fine line between trusting God for good things and not putting in all my efforts, but I'll trust God that He'll show me the right way.

Jesus loves me this I know
'Coz the Bible tells me so.....:)

2008-03-02T23:07:00.002+08:00

Umm....just to think that I'll be having a place of my own makes me happy. My own air-con room (with attached toilet), washing and drying machine that are just steps away, vacuum cleaner, Wii, PS3, flat-screen TV, comfy sofa, and most of all, I place that I can finally called home. :) I'm so glad that my spirit is lifted up with tiny things in life. :)

Although I still ain't sure what am I gonna do with my life, I'm really glad that Kenny is always around to be there for me. I can really see the transformation he's undergoing. He's somehow becoming a nicer person by the day. :) And I thank God for that.

2008-02-25T01:56:00.000+08:00

I'm really glad to have Kenny. :)

Losing it

2008-02-09T18:13:00.000+08:00

New Year.

I wish I have some kinda new year resolution so that there'll be some meanings in life, some goal to achieve, alas, but I don't, nah, none....

I actually feel utterly useless not being able to get that MA job I was aiming for. It's like, you've been running for 41k and at the last 100M you suddenly don't feel like running anymore, and you actually STOPPED!!! That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Is that trophy important to me? Not really. I just feel like I've lost that passion I used to have in life. I am starting to understand why do some people wanna kill themselves. Quote from 黃子華 "It's like eating a buffet that only serves shit. The waiter keep asking you to eat more, and you just wanna settle the bill. Everyday is like eating shit to you."

And no one understands me. Whenever I tell Kenny, he'd say something like, "then why did you choose Accountancy in the 1st place?" Cos I can make a decent living, I can stay in NTU with Kenny, I can finish the course in 3 years and start earning money for my parents....:(

And I am so antisocial that I really don't have much friends that I can talk to. I dunno, it's just me.

And lately, I am feeling that even God cannot fill that void that I have in my heart. That loneliness, that helplessness, they're sucking my life outta me. Even when I'm at home now, I feel like I'm not part of the family anymore. I'm just a person that has been abandoned on a lonely island.

Can I kill myself and just end all these? I can't. And that's really becoming quite unbearable. I don't just wanna have some kinda false goals or meanings in life to keep me going. I need a passion so strong that it's almost tangible to fill that void.

I hope no one reads this. Really. No one can help. :(

2007-11-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

My 2nd photoshoot. :)

2007-11-06T21:04:00.000+08:00

sigh....I think I didn't get through the Citibank MA interview. I actually think I did quite well, given the role I was assigned to. Oh well if there's a reason I think I push my case a little to hard.

Anyway, kinda disappointed. I know maybe they'll still called. But to have worked there for internship and not getting the job in the end is kinda embarrassing. :P

I prayed that God will choose the best job for me. So maybe this is not the best job. I'm sure God has something better for me. :)

And I hate it when Kenny regards lowly of me. I know what I am capable of. I'm sure I'll do very well wherever I go. He never think that I'm smart or anything good. sigh....that really irritates me. Feel like boxing him up.

Anyway we celebrated our 5th year anniversary yesterday. Nothing much special. That's kinda sad...its supposd to be something really important, a milstone. But I still enjoy our little dinner at Marche or watever it is called now.

All I can say is, God gave him to me. :) Happy anniversary.

Romans 3:19-20

2007-10-30T08:33:00.000+08:00

Romans 3:19-20

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God.

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

(Isn't it crystal clear to you?)

2007-10-14T22:02:00.001+08:00

Thanks. That's all I need. Whatever that you've done/not done in this week.

2007-10-10T02:15:00.001+08:00

I just realise, it's really not easy for two people to love each other. To put it in economic terms, it's not easy to satisfy the double coincidence of wants. That's where the power struggle come about. How do you know how many sheep to give in exchange for a cow? So you negotiate. And there's always a winning end and a losing end, somehow. Yes it's still a middle ground, but it'll never be the ideal that you have in mind before the negotiation.

But you've already incurred some costs during the course of negotiation, be it opportunity costs or other miscellaneous costs. And the longer the negotiation time, the more costs you incurred. Yes those are sunk costs, but human nature does not allow you to totally neglect them. The longer you negotiate, the harder it is to pull out. And you'll be more willing to compromise on a middle ground, on which its distance from the start point is directly proportional to the duration of negotiation.

So when does the negotiation end? Well I dunno, I'm still negotiating. Maybe that's the whole point. I do find joy in it sometimes. And I'm glad there's somebody there willing to negotiate with me in the 1st place. It shows two things (1) there something in/from me that he wants (2) he's willing to compromise through the act of negotiation and come to a middle ground.

I guess a miracle just happens, we did manage to satisfy the double coincidence of wants.

2007-10-07T21:56:00.001+08:00

When's the last time I'm really really happy? I think was the time when Kenny went back Hong Kong with me. That was really really happy.

Have you realised we were happier when we don't have so much? Like when we just started we didn't have much yet we were so happy? I know it's been five years and you'll probably say cos its been so long so you can't expect us to be as happy as we used to be. But you're not happy with me. I know. I must be a lousy gf. I'm not happy either. Cos you're not happy. Like I'm becoming your obligation.

I just wanna be your loving, supportive gf. I know I suck at it. And I know that's not what you want for a gf. I'm the least that you want. I was never even what you wanted. Pearlene and Sien Hui was what you wanted. I hate Pearlene. Seriously. She's the one person I hate so much. Cos she broke your heart, she took advantage of you when you were vulnerable, she wanted you back when you were not around anymore. I hate her. Yet you'll still treat her as your good friend. I just hate her to the bone. Not cos I'm jealous, cos she once hurt you so badly.

What about me? Am I as lousy as her? Or lousier? Probaly lousier. I just complained and complained and complained. I'm not what you want. Joy is what you want. I'm always the least you want.

I always wonder why am I holding on so tightly, when I seem to be the only one holding on to it? Cos I know God was the one that put us together. What were the chances of me meeting you at that bench at that night, talking to you and you telling me your problems, when we didn't even talk to each other for the past two years? What were the chances of me trying to help an almost stranger when I was having my exam as well? What were the chances of us meeting in Singpore in the 1st place? Jesus's love for us put us together. I was so overwhelmed by his grace that I felt that I had to pass it on to you. That's why I knew God put us together. If this love started from Him, He'll see us through.

And you once loved me so intensely that I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. But somwhere along the way, things start to fall apart. Probably my complaints, your short-tempered, our differences seeing things, or our priorities that are setting us further apart.

But 5 years, every single moment spent left a common memory bewteen us. It'll never leave us, at least it'll never leave me. Even if we broke up in the end, I'll still treasure those moments with you, those morning walks, late night walks to have supper, those squash games, endless movies, silly fights, those tears, those moments when we just want each other to be there, those kittens, those slamming of doors with tears and walking back to your room again.....and the list goes on.

Why am I writing as if I'm dying tomorrow? Cos I'm not happy. Cos you dun need me anymore. Ya I finally figure it out that you don't need me anymore. You won't feel lonely without me, you don't need my support when you're doing your experiments, you don't need me to the there to listen to your worries and complaints. I'm not part of your plan. I don't know what you're worried about, I don't know what is going through in your life, I don't know what you're planning to do, I don't know much about your life anymore.

It's really not about spending time together or not. We spent time today, we ended up fighting again. I dunno. We are less tolerant of each other. I just wish that we'll spend a day really happy and carefree. The hug and little kiss you gave me in HMV? I almost melted. Thanks.

I commit our relationship under God's grace. I am really losing grip....

2007-10-06T01:31:00.001+08:00

God, please take this cup away from me. :(
I really don't wanna say "but it is Your will, not mine, that I'll follow"

:(

2007-10-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

I reallly didn't know I love Kenny so much. I just wish that the feeling is mutual. The least I want is him treating me as an obligation. I worth much more than that and I don't need anyone's sympathy.

2007-09-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

I'm damn messed up....:(

2007-09-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

I tried my best. I held on to it even though it was so tough. I accomodated. I accepted you for who you are. I gave in whenever I could. I said sorry even when I didn't think it was my fault. I stayed. I came back. I put my heart and soul in it...Just because I love you. :(

Dinner with Kenny

2007-09-25T00:34:00.000+08:00

Dinner with Khengz tonight. He's been so busy these days that I rarely get to eat with him. That's when I start to treasure the little time I have with him. Yes, most of the time I end up complaining, but tonight was rather enjoyable.

I'd like to think that he's looking at me lovingly....

But he definitely was not....haha....

I'd still like to think that he's enjoying himself like I was too....

Went to Manhattan Fish Market. My treat. haha....he bought me a done good earphone tho. Thx. Food was not very nice. But I did enjoy eating with him.

I was wearing my cap cos it costed me 300HKD so I have to wear it more often, and I am having a really bad pimple outbreak. yucks!

And yes he's always reading when we're eating. Like....no respect.....

And this picture pretty sums up why I like him. (Hints: Who will do this in the MRT and still let his gf take a pic and put in her blog?)

Anyway, the song also pretty sums up what I'm feeling now. Like, I just can't imagine myself with someone else. Is really kinda like the enzyme-substrate relationship. I just wish that I can be very very sure that he loves me. But I can never be sure right? I can just be sure that I still love him like....a lot a lot a lot a lot.......

相依為命 - 陳小春

旁人在淡出終於只有你共我一起

仍然自問幸福雖說有陣時為你生氣

其實以前和你互相不等得死心塌地

直到共你渡過多災世紀

* 即使身邊世事再毫無道理

與你永遠亦連在一起

你不放下我我不放下你

我想確定每日挽住同樣的手臂

不敢早死要來陪住你我已試夠(過)

別離並不很淒美我還如何撇下你

獻盡了雲湧風起還怎麼捨得放下你

年華像細水沖走幾個愛人與知己

抬頭命運射燈光柱罩下來是我跟你

難道有人離去是想顯出好光陰有限

讓我學會為你貪生怕死

Repeat *

證明愛人又愛己何以要那麼悲壯才合理

2007-09-21T00:25:00.000+08:00

They keep saying that we're together for so long that everything become habitual, even my feelings for you. That's why I complain all the time.

But I know firmly how I feel towards this relationship. My love for you is so intense that it is almost tangible. I complain so much cos...I'm selfish...I guess somehow, deep inside, I want something in return. I'm not God.

But seeing you work so hard, I really can't complain anymore. My heart ached when I saw you alighting at the SBS bus stop after tuition, when I was going out for supper. Only then did I realise how selfish I was, to even take away the time you have for yourself.

I guess the fear of losing you is always there. I can almost feel it all over again, just like the previus time. That's another reason why I need to see you, to get some reassurance, to know that you're working so hard for not only you, but us.

I'm not perfect, far from it in fact. But God will see us through.

2007-09-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

Do you know, life is so much better with you around.
Worshipping with you is the best thing to do on Sunday. :) I always want to hold your hand and worship together, but I know that you'll definitely resist. Anyway, I really believe that no matter what happens to us, God will see us through. :)

2007-09-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

Went out today.

Grateful, that Kenny, being so tired still took time to go out with me.

Contented, ate nice food without having to pay a cent :p.

Shameful, for complaining when Kenny is trying hard to spend time with me.

Xin fu, after five years, we still love each other. :)

2007-09-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

原來﹐我付出的﹐比我想像的來得多很多。一直都是以你為我的生活的中心。現在﹐我就好像一顆脫離軌道的行星﹐慢無目的的在虛無的宇宙孤獨漂浮. 而你﹐就繼續在銀河的中心﹐安然的被千顆萬顆行星圍繞著。那顆遙遠的,不起眼的小行星﹐已一點一滴的在你生活中消失。
這顆小行星﹐努力過﹐掙扎過﹐然而﹐到這一刻, 有點累了。就連放棄的力量﹐都使不出來。怕﹐怕放棄之後﹐會失去得更多。喜怒哀樂﹐都不由自主。眼前望的﹐漆黑一片.一切的希望﹐都離得很遠﹐很遠。

擁抱

2007-09-06T10:03:00.000+08:00

I'm a person that needs physical contact. When all the words fail you, when nothing seems to be going right, somehow, a simple hug seems to melt down all those inexplanable emotions and soften any tense situations. It's almost like an injection straight into your vein, an instant cure.

When the world is getting colder and colder, when people are isolating themselves and wearing a mask everywhere, hugging is the most intimate action that expose your inner most emotions. Feelings flow between the two individuals, in the most intriguing way.

An old friend wrote:
但擁抱真係一樣好powerful的Body language，三個擁抱在o個一刻都無言語，但卻令人好感動的。擁抱好像將一個言語表達不到的愛傳到對方身上一樣，其實三套戲的擁抱都沒有言語去表達他們的愛，但觀眾一定感受到的！！！

I need some hug.

2007-09-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

I really don't wanna get emotional all the time. Actually I was really ok with you going out with your friends and all. I was just telling KaWai that I was ok with you going out and seeing me when you're free. sigh....

I just hope that you can make more effort to see me. A lunch once in a while in school. Or come visit me when you finish your work for a while. :(

Let's calculate:
Once a week
= 4 times a month
= 4*12 = 48 times a year

How pathetic is that. :(

2007-09-05T02:06:00.000+08:00

兩個人在一起﹐不是一件容易的事。我會好好珍惜神比我的一切。

2007-09-03T12:21:00.000+08:00

Thanks. For yesterday and today. It was reassuring.

Dinner and Dance 2007

2007-09-02T09:12:00.001+08:00

Photobucket Album

2007-09-01T01:32:00.000+08:00

劉家玲話﹐對待男人﹐要好似放紙鳶咁﹐平時就放得佢遠一遠﹐得閒先收一收佢番o黎。收o下放o下, 放o下又收o下咁o咼.

2007-08-31T18:37:00.000+08:00

信心﹐係咪應該係你比我o既呢﹖

You're always there

2007-08-28T01:32:00.000+08:00

I can't be more sure than I am now. You're always there. Always. Every minute of everyday. You lifted me up when I fell. You love me when no one does. You're always there for me. Always loving me.

And You gave me the best I can ever get. The one I prayed for.

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned Struck down but not destroyed I'm blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure And His joy's gonna be my strength Though the sorrow may last for the night His joy comes with the morning...

So,

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as You will
I surrender
Take my fears, my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it allI hope it's not too small

Never have I felt so right before. Love you.

The Divine Answer

2007-08-26T21:49:00.001+08:00

When I look into Your holiness
When I gaze into Your loveliness
When all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

When I've found the joy of reaching Your heart
When my will becomes enthralled in Your love
When all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

I worship You, I worship You
The reason I live is to worship You
I worship You, I worship You
The reason I live, is to worship You

Nice Song

2007-08-25T15:10:00.001+08:00

當生活變成一種習慣﹐當生活失去意義。You may say I'm dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

2007-08-22T01:30:00.000+08:00

2007-08-22T00:51:00.000+08:00

Life is fucking miserable. I wanna kill myself but I just can't. I just wanna slash my wrist and end all these misery. I bet no one would even notice. Or maybe they will when I corpse starts to stink. I hate this fucking place. I hate myself. There's no friends and no family. You eat alone, sleep alone, wake up alone, go to school alone, spend your bday alone, spend new year alone. I'll just kill myself and die alone also. I should just jump down the building and no one would even care. Fuck it.

2007-08-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

I wanna be the one who makes you smile, like the way I do when I think of all the silly things that we've done together. I wanna be the one you'll miss when you're lonely. I wanna be the one you'd dream of at night. I wanna be the one who'll kiss you good night every night. I wanna be the one you'll turn to when you have trouble. I wanna be the one who'll always be there to support you. I wanna be the one that you'll be waiting for at the end of the aisle. I wanna be the one that bears your children who'll call Shaun and Chidy. I wanna be the one that'll celebrate your 60th anniversary with you. I wanna be the one that'll hold your hand and walk with you till the end when we meet Jesus.

I'm sorry for all the fights, sweats and tears. I'm sorry that I'll never be your ideal gf. I'm sorry that I'm always forgetful. I'm sorry for calling you whenever I am lonely. I'm sorry for giving you too much pressure. I'm sorry for being so dependent. I'm sorry for raising my voice when I'm angry. I'm sorry for not letting you spend time with your friends. I'm sorry for not being understanding. I'm sorry for not losing weights. I'm sorry for being so lazy. I'm sorry for being jealous all the time....

But I'll never be sorry for knowing you and being in love with you. Thank you, for everything.

Smiles :)

2007-08-17T21:15:00.000+08:00

2007-08-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

好想結婚...

2007-08-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

There was this ang moh volunteering to take picture for us. So here goes....

Ordered Sirloin and ribeye, umm the steak would be better...

Me!

A nice weekend with Kenny

2007-08-13T02:14:00.001+08:00

After Kenny moved out of NTU I have been feeling really sad and lonely. Been seeing him everyday for two years and now it's really hard to get used to not having anyone with me. :(

Anyway there's nothing much I can do except to get used to it.

Have to admit that Kenny is still making efforts to see me whenever he could. More so than I can ask for actually.

Went CHIMES for dinner on Sat. The place was quite nice but the bill came up to 100 bucks. Gosh feel so bad. But Kenny said something really sweet that day. :)

Said "Nevermind if your ass is big, I'll still like it" haha. and "I'll bring you to eat nice stuff once a month ok". That's really sweet. I almost melted. hehe.....

I am such a loser. haha....I complain and complain and complain and complian when Kenny is working his ass off and still making some time to see me. :P

And I do have ambition ok. I wanna earn at least 10K in the next 5 to 7 years, so that I can give my family a better living. It is just that it is not something I will feel extremely happy for so I never tell anyone. It is more of a responsibility that I am more than willing to take up.

But if without such responsibility, I really just wanna get married and study medicine all over again. Getting married is something that I've been dreaming since like....17? haha.....every single detail. :P

Will post the photos later.

P.S. Will definitely run more this sem!!!

2007-08-07T19:30:00.000+08:00

In the end, there will be nobody.

You will meet people along the way, but you are all alone, walking.

You don't know where will you end up at.

You just have to keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking....

Or you can stop. Somehow...

A little gift from heaven

2007-08-05T00:06:00.000+08:00

When you wake up in the morning, and breakfast is served right before you. That's a little gift from heaven. Thank you. :) That was really sweet.

Home sweet home

2007-07-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

A nice week back in Hong Kong. It was sooooooooooooooo nice. Kenny went back with me too and everything seems so perfect. :)

The perfect family photo

We look so nice. haha....esp me.

Gosh I can't believe I've swept the "bo hai kai" 3 days in a week. Kenny went mad

The best dessert I have ever tasted!!! In "Xu Liu Shan" (or something like that)

And the portuguese tart at KFC! Superb! :)

Nice view from the peak. Kenny went mad coz there were too many people. haha....

This pork chop bun from Macau is really good. :) esp when you're eating with your family.

It was damn good.

All in all, this trip is like one of the best vacation I've had in years. I realised that you don't really need to go far away places to have a good time, as long as you are with people you love. :)

I'm loving Jesus more and more

2007-06-11T01:01:00.000+08:00

Today's sermon was really good. NCC's sermons are really really fantastic. Never did I once fall asleep. haha....Love the worship too. Ever since I went "astray", I really treasure every moment when I can be with other believers and worship God. It never fails to move me when I can lay down all my sorrows and burdens to just worship the Lord. The joy is unexplainable.

Anyway, I really need to blog this in case I forget. Today's sermon Pastor said something really meaningful. I shall just write in bullets 'cos its 1am and I need to sleep ya.
1. Even when Adam and Eve "ordered" sin, God pay the price. What else would He not pay for?
2. Solomon asked for wisdom when God asked. What would I asked for?
I just wanna be God's favourite child. To have all the love and attention from Him. To have Him embrace me and give me all the protection I need. I don't want to have the wants for money or fame. I just wanna have the needs and wants for God.
3. Men by ourselves do not have any value. It is God's love for us that makes us valuable.

2007-06-02T13:23:00.001+08:00

改革型（理性正直，力求完美）
您是負責、獨立和以超高標準勤奮工作的人。您嚴肅地面對生命，顯現出急躁、緊張、愛評判、控制、自以為是，以及難以克制地追求完美。您對批評相當敏感，批判自己之嚴厲更勝於別人。而且難以接受稱讚或承認自己的成就。您總是想把事情做好，並讓人喜愛。因些在銳利的外表之下，卻顯現出鬱鬱寡歡。
優點：您不會原地踏步，不斷努力改進事物，那怕是一件永無終止或不被感謝的任務，您都會為此負起責任。
缺點：無論是對行為或環境，您經常顯現出控制的情況，而當事情出錯時，您更可能會怪責別人。
愛情：當開始接觸親密關係之後，您會有退縮的傾向。要看清楚對方是否看重這段感情，以及此人是否值得交往，您才會繼續保持連繫。
您渴望關係，卻難以相住伴侶。害怕對方比自己更具吸引力，更有智慧或更被喜愛。妒忌之火便開始燃燒，而當您被拒絕時，更會產生無法設想的憤怒之火。「在聚會中，如果我的伴侶走過我的面前去找別人，我會對他生氣，憎恨那個和他談話的人。這種憎恨感會堆積起來，我會拿自己和任何跟他講話的異性比較。」
安定方位：活躍型在安定的狀態下您會放開拘謹，允許自己在安定中放鬆，讓自己打破規則、追求知識和想像未來的選擇。
壓力方位：自我型當面對感情的壓力或情緒對抗時，您會把焦點轉向關係或情緒，以及不被愛的感受，因此您會變得沮喪，感覺自己一無是處，甚至相信自己永遠做不好，生命毫無意義等。
建意：注意您使用「對、錯」這類字眼的思想。學習讓自己犯點小錯而不帶責備。允許遊戲和玩樂存在於您的生活之中
最渴望：事事完美，零缺點最恐懼：受良心責備，遭他人譴責最難達到的美德：祥和 (Serenity)最難克服的執念：怨恨 (Resentment)

Falling into Grace again

2007-05-31T10:38:00.000+08:00

Faith, is something I've never lost. Something I keep so dearly that even everything is striped away, faith, is the only thing that is left.
The world is fading away, but your love never change. You are that same yesterday, today and forever. You are my alpha and omega. You are the lamp, and I the mere refraction of the light. What more can I ask for?
Seek first your kingdom and your rigtheousness.
What is your kingdom? What is a mustard seed? Or the yeast that is mixed with the dough? I would say it is the smallest thing that is inconspicuous in life, yet so powerful that when the time comes, everyone will see.
What is your righteousness? Jesus. The Son of the living God. Is it not a thing but a person. A powerful existence that gives lives and forgive sins.
Seek first.
Is it not a cause and effect. But a tree and its branches. When the branches are cut off, the tree remains. Which one is more precious? The tree or its branches? How much a branch is worth when is it cut away from its source? So seek first, Your kingdom and Your righteousness, for they are the source of life that bring forth the good fruits. The leaves fall when the time comes, but the tree, having deeply rooted into the ground, is the only thing that is left. When the time comes, it will bear good fruits that attract birds to perch on its new grown branches, with leaves that is greener and flowers that are more fragrance. So seek first, Your kingdom and Your righteousness.
For it is not me that write, but the Holy Spirit that is writing through me.

My have a really special sister

2007-02-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

My sister's life is full of joy. I always envy her carefree life and all the friends around her. It is such a joy to read her xanga and know that she's enjoying her life to the fullest. She may not be the smartest person I've seen, but she definitely is the most special person. Her happiness is so influential that even by merely reading her xanga you'll feel happy. Below is one good example, supposedly she's complaining about her boring life, but it is still "happening" to me.

枯燥生活既小小快樂金句

今日..........
lily話佢自己琴日做功課做到3點幾...
係因為佢睇左套"衰鬼老婆"
我同louisa加諗加諗...都諗唔明果個係咩節目...
原來果個係"迎妻接福"...哦!明晒

仲有今日o係lunch玩埋d iq題都真係幾攪笑...
好似話女麻女麻估一個菜名...
ans:椰菜(阿爺條菜)救命-________-"
仲有....有咩野食係...睇落去同食落去係唔同既lei!?
ans:旺仔小曼頭-_____-
因為果個廣告果隻歌係:看起來一樣呀食落就是不一樣!"""
哈哈哈
其實仲有好多-_-但lei 2個我真係笑左好耐好耐...哈哈哈
p.s一睇就知我既生活...errrrrrrr"""真係好好好枯燥=/=救命
同埋好唔開心既就係..我今日補frenda......唔小心...訓左.../oo\"
同埋最唔開心既就係......我今日去左買諗住好好味既零食...
點知原來唔好味......."但我最後食晒._.!"

I really pray that she can keep it that way. That no one can tint her innocence and her carefree life. :)

My life is lovely

2007-02-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

I'm always very thankful when Kenny is around. Life's so lovely with him around. Although I always complain but I love sticking with him 24/7, and I'm thankful he never kick me away. :) He let me stick with him for as long as I like. hehe....tt's really sweet. It's not 1 or 2 years, but 4 years. I think he's really patient with me. Or maybe he loves me a lot. haha....maybe he wants to stick 24/7 with me too. Oh well, who doesn't. wahahaha......

If I die today.....

2007-02-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

I'm alone is this miserable room for chinese new year. I hate CYN. Gosh should have just gone back.
I spend my 22nd bday alone. Eating Mac and blowing my own candle. That's really pathetic. I have so little friends. Sometimes I wonder whether it is my choice to be in this way. I guess it goes back all the way to when I was still in St. Rose. No one likes me. Back then, I was REALLY a loner. That's why it's really hard to let many ppl to be in my life now. I can only handle I few.
I'm so glad to have wilkson around. My whole life depends on my best friends. It's like I'm clinging onto them to prevent myself from drowning. Oh yes I'm drowning. So pathetic that I have to go Toni n Guy to cut my hair and meet this Swedish hair stylist and actually regret not to ask him to have dinner with me. That IS pathetic. Well it is still better than spending ur bday eating mac and blowing candle alone on the cake that you buy for urself.
I always wonder if I die right here right now. Who would notice? No one. Maybe they'll know when my corpse rot and maggots starts eating my eyeballs. Will anyone shed I tear? Some might, but it'll be over soon. I'll be forgotten. And life goes on.
That's me. Stella. I spend my whole life doing things that are meaningless. I work hard on things that does not yield. I don't know what my future lies. Really. I'm pathetic.
If I die today, life goes on. I'm not anyone's best friend. I'm just a girl who ate mac and blew candle alone on her 22nd bday.

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-15T01:18:00.000+08:00

Though you're not around. I still am thankful that you're with me. Am thankful for the 4 good years you've given me. Maybe this 4 good years are all we have, I'm still thankful. I want you to pursue your dreams. To be whoever you wanna be. I'm so glad to see you achieving so much now. I'm so glad I've been helpful for these 4 good years. Sometimes I see myself as your guardian angel who is just meant to be there when you needed me the most. And now, you've spread your wings, you can be someone else's guardian angel. I'm still thankful. Thankful that you're at God's embrace now, thankful for everything that happened to us in theses 4 good years, even though 4 good years are all we have.

I love you Kenny.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Ill be forever thankful baby
Youre the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Youre the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
Im grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I dont know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for meT
he tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
Youve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

Im everything I am
Because you loved me

Random thoughts

2007-01-02T03:02:00.000+08:00

New year doesn't seem new anymore.
I always wanna write more entries but my thoughts always jump around. I just can't write something meaningful.
Life's......................I dunno how to explain.
I hate Singapore. Is it? I dunno.
I love Kenny. That I'm sure.
I wanna bring happiness to everyone. I dun wanna be sad all the time.
I feel like.........there's so many things I feel like. Dunno how to starts.
I actually hide so many things within me. Is driving me crazy.
Do I wanna write it out and let everyone know?
I'm so freaking......I dunno.
I wish I'm prettier.
I cherish my time with Kenny. I feel that life's so uncertain for me to hope for anything.
My results suck.
I'm complaining again. Oh please I wish no one reads this. I dun wanna let people know how I feel, I jus discovered that.
Then what am I doing?
My life's so.........burdening. I can't really choose things that I like. Or I dun even dare to like what I like. I dunno. There's nothing I love immensely. Of cos except Kenny. But what good does it make? I dunno. It's never a life long plan in the 1st place when I sent that SMS. I never expect anything in return. Really. It was not for me to control.
Then what can I do now? I just wish I have the same passion for other things in life too.
I'm a lucky girl. I thank God for that. It's better than striking a lottery. I thank God for that.
There's nothing I wanna buy. Actually I wanna get some eye gel for my dark circle.
This is how I think. How am I going to write something constructive at all? My thoughts are like....popcorns.
I am fat. I need to lose weights.
:) and :(

What's Your Seduction Style?

2006-12-19T19:01:00.000+08:00

haha yup I've probably been in love, and it hasn't let me down. :)

2006-12-19T18:30:00.000+08:00

2006-12-11T14:22:00.000+08:00

Janice - 離家出走

離家出走

2006-12-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

離家出走
作曲：雷頌德
填詞：林夕
編曲：雷頌德
監製：雷頌德

豁出去漫遊　不通知親友　那快感少有　哪管想去多久
抱得你未夠　於這裡悶透　才誓死跟你　逛盡地球

何必每件壯舉都需要理由　伴你去出走
快活而內疚　不管舉世追究
願扣上你雙手　自繁華浪處到沙丘
戀愛　能有幸這樣放肆至足夠

別再管誰咒你　曾經荒謬闖蕩異地
亦未枉相戀超出煩惱的禁忌　視世上人不理
想早晚能見你　曾經反叛　也是我運氣
天與地　年老了不再飛　無那份勇氣

怕一世未能　沙礫中擁吻　有了你先有　這最淒美質感
縱使有地震　不因我犯禁　誰話你壞人　不減吸引

明知我做錯過的總要奉還　但我愛一眼
有自由浩嘆　都深刻過不散
讓你我似走犯　在窮途入教堂進諫
上帝　求你讓我共愛侶過更多晚

代價高仍愛你　曾經荒謬闖蕩異地
亦未枉相戀超出煩惱的禁忌　視世上人不理
想早晚能見你　曾經反叛也是我運氣
天與地　渡過約束　拋開生死

這樣也許了不起　但有一日轟烈乏味
就讓彼此都別戀他人也不忘記　別個再沒法比
瘋過後能放棄　回家安樂過亦有運氣
不顧忌　才了解喜與悲　能以後銘記
人有天總怕死　才註定別離

"代價高仍愛你,曾經荒謬闖蕩異地,亦未枉相戀超出煩惱的禁忌,視世上人不理..."
I hope you'll understand. :)

Exam is over....soon

2006-11-24T12:01:00.000+08:00

haha this exam sucks big time. Mostly cos I never really put in my effort like at all.......I jus hope I can get 3.5 and I'll be more than happy. Shit what kinda person have I become???

Anyway going home so soon. Not a wee bit excited at all. One month of no friends period. Gosh. I really am a loner. Even in Singapore I don't have much friends sia. Always busy with things that I dun really like to do. ya ya ya better for my CV. Oh hack it. How can my CV be good when my GPA is only 3????? haha. I better do something be pull myself to the 2nd upper class man. I feel so ashame. Oh well but it kinda is my fault. So I only have myself to blame. Do I regret it? Not really, I enjoy my uni life like to the fullest. Did all kinda things I ever wanna do. Enjoying my single room. I'm so gonna dive next year. Maybe even go for exchange. Gosh life's good. :)

I jus hope that I can have more friends. haha.

2006-11-18T14:26:00.000+08:00

Baby got back

Specially dedicated to people who do not like huge asses.
"You like big butt and you cannot lie!"

Complain time

2006-11-07T14:39:00.000+08:00

Caution: This post is for me to complain so don't read if you think u'll get irritated.

Why do I get lousy gp mates ALL the time. WTF all my group mates are lousy. Can't I have like better group mates that can help me with my grades?
Why do I always get lousy grades for projects? WTF. I'm f***ing stupid is it? Watever. I am stupid.
Why am I in group A? Is freaking unfair. You freaking cram everything in one sem and I'm supposed to score As for it? WTF.
Why can't I be in group B. Damn all the stupid idiots in group B. You're jus freaking lucky.
Why am I so unlucky like ALL the freaking time man. WTF.
I never have exam luck. I'm like exam-unlucky. I jus wish I'm exam-luck-neutral so I can get what I freaking deserve. WTF everytime is like tt. Whatever I study doesn't come out. Miss out one freaking page for the module I'm damn sure I can get A. WTF WTF WTF.
I hate projects. I hate doing stuff with lousy project mates.
I just can't breathe now. So stressful. WTF. Can't I be a smart ass and score like everyone else. I'm freaking angry. They mug all the time and tt's what they do for like 20 freaking years. Freaks!!!!!! They dunno how to enjoy life and this freaks are shaping the freako study culture that normal people like me are supposed to follow. WTF. They do nothing but mug. Oh come on do they know anything else?
I admire those that dun study and are real smart. But there're like almost none in this freako school where everyone mug every single minute. Do they know how to do anything else? Oh why am I in this freaking shcool where everyone is a freaking study machine. They dunno how to do anything else!!!!!
Like when anything out of the ordinary emerges, they'll just complain like its not in the freaking book they've memorise like a bible. Oh use ur brain, not ur a** to think. All you use is your a** to memeroise!!! You're in a freaking tertiary school for your own sake.

Oh well I'm jus as stupid as everyone else. Or stupider cos I dun mug and I use my a** to think and I complain like hell like I'm a freaking smart ass when I'm a loser and an idiot. I better kill myself.

C'est la vie. Kiss my ass.

2006-10-30T19:39:00.000+08:00

Trick or Treat?

2006-10-30T19:38:00.000+08:00

so so so so nice! haha he's always creative and full of ideas. haha.....

Halloween!!!!

2006-10-30T19:35:00.000+08:00

Guess what did I get today? A nice fancy Halloween present!!! haha Kenny was jus scolding me for no reason in the morning (he jus like to scold ppl in the morning) and ta ta.........FERRO ROCHE at night when we went subway!! haha
And what's more...........................................It's customised!!!! haha with little faces drawn on each one.
Sometimes I really dun get him. He can be all sweet at one moment and a monster at the next. Well I guess that's what we called 一啖沙糖一啖.........haha
Anyway he still tried to act cool and said he picked that up from the street. I really dun get him. Is it really that hard to tell me you love me? haha Oh Hell Yes you Do!!!!!! Admit it!!!
haha :)

~ 和你一起的世界,每一天都是美好的。

My llfe

2006-10-28T13:17:00.000+08:00

There're four really important persons in my life. They're almost part of my life.

Most Wanted No. 1

Wilkson

He's an idiot. Well, Idiotic in a nice way. He's really the most idiotic person I've seen, but in the nicest way. He's smart too, but in a idiotic way. Anyway we don't talk much but I do love him a lot. He's always there when I need someone, and he'll always be there I'm sure. :) I hope I can be there when you need me too. Seems like he doesn't need me as much as I need you though. That really saddens me. Anyway I love Wilkson.

Most Wanted No. 2

Jacky

He's a genius, he's an idiot too, somehow. But he loves me, I know. haha....He gave me hugs and gentle loving care when I needed it. And he was always there, he isn't anymore. I miss him. But he's too busy to miss me. I always miss him. I miss all the hugs and concerns he gave me when I was sad. I love him too. But he's an idiot.

Most Wanted No. 3

Jonan

He's a doctor, and an idiot too. All my friends are idiots. We can almost only be acquaintance, but we're best friends. He's sensible, he's smart, he's high up there. I hope I have the time to know him more, but I don't. I doubt I will have the chance anymore. But I love him. I do. We are connected somehow.

Most Wanted No. 4

Kenny aka Khengz

He's everything. He's an idiot. The biggest ass on earth. He's smart, he's funny, he's nice, he's romantic, he's insensitive, he's mean, he has bad tempered, he's knowledgable, he's a genius, he's sissy, he's a MCP, he's crazy, he's my everything.
And I love him. I wish I don't love him. But I do. I wish life can be easier for us. But it's not. I wish I can plan. But I can't. I wish I know what's gonna happen. But I don't. I wish I know what he's thinking. But I don't.
But I love him. That's all I know.

My life is good. All because of all of you. :)

4th Year Anniversary

2006-10-15T21:10:00.000+08:00

4 years. That's REALLY an achievement.
Yesterday we had our 4th year anniversary celebration. Didn't plan anything cos it is the 4th year (which actually was quite sad). But it was enjoyable nevertheless. :)
Went to Vivocity. Felt like a HK mall except that it is way too small man. Only have 2 stories and nothing much to shop. Anyway ate at pacific company cafe which was damn overpriced (why did I start complaining?). I felt rather disoriented cos it really looks like HK. haha
Then we decided to go Suntec cos there wasn't anything in the mall. Went Koshinbo for buffet. This two hungry idiots were the 1st in the queue. haha....we ate soooooooooooo much that we had to carry our stomach out after that. haha. anyway we played 15-20 in order to cleared the food. Kenny was a big time loser man. haha. Nevertheless, we laughed so much. I hope he enjoyed the dinner as much as I do. :)
It's really time to stop complaining how bad my bf is. He's really sweet and nice deep inside. haha...and to be able to tolerate me for 4 years. That's really an achievement.
I love kenny.

2006-10-15T20:53:00.000+08:00

highlight of the day. CHOCOLATE SALTY BALLS!! (or wat's left) P.S. this man who was behind us took 4 freaking CSBs...hahaha God bless...

2006-10-15T20:52:00.000+08:00

haha kenny was the 1st one to get this baby lobster. haha he's so cheapo....can't stand it. haha but he really knows how to make me laugh :)

2006-10-15T20:51:00.000+08:00

you dun wanna know how many did we eat......

2006-10-15T20:50:00.000+08:00

the shrimp was shiok!! (why do I have wrinkles???? gosh!!!)

2006-10-15T20:48:00.001+08:00

too idiots trying to look cool....

2006-10-15T20:48:00.000+08:00

a horny bitch....

2006-10-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

oh I have one too. trying to smile like an idiot.....haha

2006-10-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

this actually looks rather scary....haha kenny looked like some scary psycho serial killer..

2006-10-15T20:45:00.000+08:00

haha took this in toyrus....kenny's damn funny!!!

2006-10-15T20:44:00.000+08:00

the fat bitch drinking hungryly.....that was my lunch ok! (ok plus a photo salads...:p)

It's time to look at the bright side of life. :)

2006-10-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

I said I as depressed yesterday nite. Guess what I got today? I movie with Kenny. Dozens of chocos, and I nice notes on my door. I'm so touched. :)
I rebonded my hair today, cos tomorrow is our 4th year anniversary celebration and I wanna do something nice for Kenny. So I rebonded my hair. N well I guess it wasn't a wrong choice. The moment he saw me he said that I look pretty (haha actaully he didn't, he implied, but tt's enough). And he kiss me on my head. Tt's so sweet of him.
Kenny is concern. Just that he's a stubborn ass and he refuse to tell me he loves me. But I know he does. At least he loves me enough to buy choco for me when I'm said. Lots of choco. :) And tt's enough.
YY is a nice neighbour. I shall be nicer to her too. :)

Updates

2006-10-06T20:52:00.000+08:00

I haven't posted anything for like....ever. haha anyway I truckload of things happened for the past few weeks. I'm jus gonna record whatever I can remember.
Went to the leadership training camp during the break, that was really better than I thought. Exco is very nice, really. They are all nice people.
Learnt to live above the line, equipped with a pink bubble, learnt to do the write thing. haha a lot of positive thinking and shareing and all those crap. It was really enriching. Really.
The most important thing is.....I bought a PSP!!! can u beat that!!!! PSP rocks ok. I watched like one million show on my PSP. The games are fantastic. Everything rocks!!!! It's slick, it's all-in-one, it's pretty, it's expensive, it's worth the money, it's half-sponsored by Khengz, it's being used everything, it's just simply good. THE BEST.

Woke up at the RIGHT side of the bed today. The moment I open my eyes I feel so good. Simply good. I feel loved. I feel positive. I feel smart. I feel lazy. I feel sleepy. Did project until 730am and can't imagine I slept FOR THE WHOLE BLOODY DAY. It's soooooooooooooooooo good to sleep. Haven't been able to slack like this for so long. It's refreshing. My flat battery is finally charged. I feel all geared up again! :) Today is a good day.

Today is also the 6th year I've been to this amazing land. Somewhere I don't belong. I'll never belong. Well don't wanna comment on the goods and the bads. It's never ending. Just wanna say I'm greatful for what I have now. For everything that I was given. For being able to be with Khengz everyday. I realise that I have to be with him. I just have to. It's spiritual. It's therapeutic. He's kinda like a support that I can always lean on. Well almost always. All I need is a simple hug and I feel that I can conquered the whole world. All I need is for him to be there with me. Gosh I love Khengz. I do. I complain and I got sad and I doubt but I definitely love him. I do. And I know he loves me too, in a different way. And I have to accept that we're different.

Today is a good day. :) I hope tomorrow will be as well. And the day after tomorrow, and the day after the day after tomorrow, and the day after the day after the day after tomorrow, and the day after the dat after the day after............

Sadness is infectious

2006-09-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

I think I woke up at the wrong side of the bed today. The moment I opened my eyes I feel like crying. Everything feels sad and gloomy. I think sadness is infectious, maybe I read too much of other people's blog. Everyone writes about sad and gloomy stuffs. Does anyone feel happy and satisfied with their life?
I feel like a bird being bound, yet yearning to outstretch my winds and fly. I wanna smell the freedom in the air. I have so much things hidden in me that it's slowly eating me from within. It's like you've been stuffing too many things inside a bag and it's starting to burst and everything inside are spilling out. Everything single thing. Or it's like some kids that have been locked inside a tiny little room for so so long, they knocked and knocked on the door and it cracked eventually and everything single one is storming out of the room now.
I'm envious all the time. Even when people are sad and gloomy I'm envious of them. At least they have the conscience to be sad and gloomy, to stop for a moment and be connected with their mind and soul. That is why they're sad and gloomy. They are conscious of their existence and they're pulling themselves from all the routines of life, and indulge in their sadness. How envious.

Love

2006-09-09T14:20:00.000+08:00

1 Corinthians 13 (4-7)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Memorable Day

2006-09-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

Today is a memorable day. :) cos kenny jus told me that he loves me. haha
Love you too kenny!!

Realization

2006-08-29T06:17:00.000+08:00

It's 6:00am in the morning. Have to do project discussion at 1030am. Haven't done anything cause I was talking to Rui Fang and friends just now. When did hall stuff become so political? I really dunno. Anyway I don't really care.

Suddenly I have a strong feeling to tell Kenny that I love him a lot a lot. Even though I always complain about everything under the sky, even though I feel exploited sometimes, I still love him with my heart and soul. Actually deep inside I always love him. It's just that we got carried away by our everyday lives that I've forgotten how much we have to gone through to come this far. And yup I should love him the way he is, and try to accept what I can't change.

Anyway I just wanna remember this moment of realization that I really really love him. And my Kenny boy is still the same old Kenny boy I love 4 years ago. Really.

命硬 Brokeback Crossover?

2006-08-28T02:28:00.000+08:00

haha I just realise that the lyrics of 命硬 is rather brokeback. Anyway I love both the song and the movie. :)

Brokeback Mountain

2006-08-28T01:53:00.000+08:00

犯賤

2006-08-27T18:26:00.000+08:00

成日都好想用中文打日記。但係真係勁耐冇打同用中文啦。又打得慢又好多字都唔記得。我諗打多幾次會好好多掛。
呢幾日真係發曬癲。Union D 野勁political. 我都唔知自己點解會輸。勁比人蝦。in the 1st place 我都唔係好知點解我要insist. 嘿唔到咪算囉。點解我仲要禁執著呢。 haha。。。。
打中文真係會發癲。今日就打住禁多先。下次再打過。

2006-08-27T17:40:00.000+08:00

命硬

二百年后再一起应该不怕旁人不服气
团圆或者晚了廿个十年仍然未舍弃
换个时代再一起等荆棘满途全枯死
这繁忙很悠长亦决心等到你等得起...

2006-08-24T17:53:00.000+08:00

花灑

為了要博世界讚美便苦惱
害怕永遠也做不到
忘掉了偶爾懶理世界或會更好...

花灑

2006-08-24T09:59:00.000+08:00

為了要博世界讚美便苦惱
害怕永遠也做不到
忘掉了偶爾懶理世界或會更好
期望要有這個與那個像匹布
被剪碎飛舞盲目了兩眼也但求要拾到
* 何必要做奴隸無需要為失去了的執迷
輪流涼或暖像四季做人做過世
漫長年月有路軌人總想擁有東西
要是代價高越令心中牽繫
擔憂要是無謂拿花灑洗禮 *
la……….
為了要與某某愛上便希冀
為了挫折過便緊記
全為貢獻過要有報答便有對比
全為看中過發覺看錯便生氣
甚麼叫天理忘掉奮鬥過要隨緣信命理
Repeat *
la…… 沙發自在自在齊齊坐
拿去它都總可去站去跑
無謂靠甚麼何不將一切拋低
志願大過天亦像世上螻蟻
星星永未流逝如只可感嘆它美麗
得到也是無謂負擔高過天際

2006-08-22T18:30:00.000+08:00

Help!!~~~ sending distress signal..--G--I--V--E------M--E------M--O--R--E------M--O--N--E--Y--

2006-08-22T18:27:00.000+08:00

So am I the victim of their conspiracy???

Life Sucks Ep 1 - Retail Therapy

2006-08-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

I'm the queen of complains. I admit that. Given so many brain cells and even more talents, I should be glad and happy and satisfied and everything but sad. But instead, I am sad most of the time. Kenny is nice. He is. Although he's not the nicest in the world, but he is nice enough for me to want to spend the rest of my life with. Am I comparing too much? Or is there really something wrong with him? I think there's something wrong with him. haha....

I'm especially sad and stressed these days. After coming back from a nice trip home, with my lovely parents and sisters and a fairly interesting trip to Disneyland, I was faced with so many irritating episodes and people. I got angry, I cried, I slammed the door, I kicked the wall. Gosh. After school started everything got even worse. 8 tutorials a week, Union mess, FOC, Kenny, homesick, 2nd-lower syndrome, inferiority complex, bad-hair-everyday, fat fat fat.....Life in NTU is full of shit. Occationally Kenny would be a nice bf and make be happy, but other times he's also too stressed to bother me already. I understand, but I just can't stop complaining of all the chores that I have to do. I am willing to do it for him. Really I AM. But all I need is a "thank you very much" or "I appreciate it" or "maybe I'll treat you dinner" plus a nice little hug. I'm superficial, tell me you love me, tell me I'm your loving girlfriend, tell me its really nice of me doing chores for you, tell me you need me. I need to hear it. I stress... H~~~~E~~~~~A~~~~~R! I don't wanna jus KNOW, I wanna HEAR!!!

Anyway instead of doing my tutorial and giving tuition, I went for a little retail therapy today. Okay, little is quite an understatement. I bought a suit and some other stuffs. That makes me feel better. Made me at least. I wanna know why do I need to buy to make myself happy. I mean, can't I just be happy like by nature? Come on....SAY MY NAME. Is life so miserable that I need to resort to burning my pockets to make me feel happier now and worse later? Gosh life sucks man.

Anyway I was also bored enough to check out what's retail therapy.

Retail therapy is shopping with the primary purpose of improving the buyer's mood or disposition. (1) Often seen in people during periods of depression or transition, it is normally a short-lived habit. Items purchased during periods of retail therapy are sometimes referred to as "comfort buys."
Retail therapy was first used as a term in the 1980s with the first reference being this sentence in the Chicago Tribune of Christmas Eve 1986. "We've become a nation measuring out our lives in shopping bags and nursing our psychic ills through retail therapy." (2)
In 2001, the European Union conducted a study finding that 33 per cent of shoppers surveyed had "high level of addiction to rash or unnecessary consumption'." [1] This was causing debt problems for many with the problem being particularly bad in Scottish young people.
Researchers at Melbourne University have advocated its classification as a pschological disorder called oniomania or compulsive shopping disorder. [2]
One Musician used this term Retail Therapy in attempt to caution the marketing oriented music industry.

And here's a little new about retail therapy.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4181822,00.html

It doesn't f***ing work!!! Get a life!!!!

2006-08-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

She just feels better.

Claustrophilia

2006-08-17T20:37:00.000+08:00

Claustrophilia is the liking of small, enclosed spaces. It comes from the Latin "claustrum" ("enclosed space"), and the Greek "philos" ("beloved friend", to philein - "to love").The influential author and scientist Isaac Asimov was a well-known claustrophile.Perhaps better known is the condition's antonym, claustrophobia.

I hide in the closet for quite a while just now. Ate one whole bar of chocolate. And I'm convinced that I am Claustrophilic.

2006-08-15T17:12:00.000+08:00

In love with K700i

2006-08-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

It was a love at first sight, an instant chemical reaction that I was never quite able to explain clearly. Maybe it is the slickness, or the multifunction, or just nothing at all. Anyway, the moment I saw it I knew I was gonna have it some day.

The some day same quite late though. It was after I broke my Panasonic babe that I finally took up the courage to ask daddy to buy for me. The feeling of owning it was as good as I would have expected. It took great photos, with radio reception, Bluetooth transfer, internet access, picture messages....I was in madly in love with it.

Never did my baby failed me. Not even when I dropped it from 3 stroies down the stairs. The functions were great. Not only does it gives instantaneously file transfer, it's probably one of the best time-killing machines with its radio reception and mini tennis game. Indeed, it sustained me through all the lonely sleepless nights and the long bus rides.

One year has passed. No longer it is the best model around. The keypads are getting loose. The sensitivity and the reaction time are not as fast anymore. Sometimes it'll even shut down on its own and ignore me all together. But never did I realize it has already become an indispensable part of my life. It wasn't the function, wasn't the look, wasn't the brand or anything else. It was merely the time we've spent together that binds me so strongly with it. The time wasn't long, but it was memorable, almost fatal.

And now? I am waiting for something to happen. I don't know how long the wait is gonna be, but I'll wait.

2006-08-13T22:27:00.000+08:00

陳奕迅-活著多好

to everyone out there. I love you. :)

活著多好

2006-08-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

當我還在　花園散步
當我還在　浴室洗澡
十步以內　可擁抱

遇著什麼　煩惱
想跟我說　都可聽到
翻到有趣　圖畫
何妨大笑　讓妙事亦被我看到

遊玩時　開心一點　不必掛念我
來好好給我活著　就似最初
仍然在呼吸都應該　要慶賀
如果想哭　可試試對嘉賓滿座……
說個笑話　紀念我

到處還是　香水氣味
到處還是　塗鴉筆記
就像我未　拋低你

Sometimes I wonder why is it that I'm demanding so much? I admire the love between my sis and her bf. So pure and enjoyable. How about mine? I enjoy being with kenny. He's so lovable. :) It's just that at times, I wish I can be pampered more than I am now.
Anyway I hope one day when I'm not around, everyone around me can live like what is written in the song. :)

2006-08-13T17:04:00.000+08:00

I paid 5 dollars for this pic. haha the orang utans are so cute!!!! isn't the mother eating marsh mellow????